Temper Tantrum among Children

 

Mr. Mahesh M. Rebinal

Associate Professor, P. D. Bharatesh College of Nursing, Halaga, Belgaum, Karnataka

 

ABSTRACT:

A temper tantrum is an emotional outburst, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, anger ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, in some cases, hitting. Physical control may be lost; the person may be unable to remain still; and even if the "goal" of the person is met, he or she may not be calmed. A tantrum may be expressed in a tirade a protracted, angry, or violent speech. Tantrums are one of the most common forms of problematic behavior in young children, but tend to decrease in frequency and intensity as the child grows older. For the toddler, tantrums can be considered as normal, even as gauges of a developing strength of character. While tantrums are sometimes seen as a predictor of future anti-social behavior in another sense they are simply an age-appropriate sign of excessive frustration, and will diminish over time given a calm and consistent handling. Parental containment where a child cannot contain itself - rather than what the child is ostensibly demanding - may be what is really required. By learning self-control, kids can make appropriate decisions and respond to stressful situations in ways that can yield positive outcomes. Other ways to discipline kids effectively include using timeouts, withholding privileges, modeling appropriate behavior (like self-control), and helping kids understand the connection between actions and consequences.

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION:

Almost every toddler has a temper at once time or another. The child may kick, scream, stamp feet and shout No, no, no, lie on the floor and flail arms and legs and bang the head against the floor, children may even hold their breath until they become cyanotic and slump to the floor.¹

 

Temper Tantrums are a natural consequence of the toddler’s development .Toddlers   are independent enough to know What they want, but they don’t have vocabulary or wisdom to express their feelings in a more socially acceptable way.¹

 

Temper tantrums facts

·         Temper tantrums are a common behavior in children 2 to 4 years of age. While exasperating to parents, they reflect the toddler's normal desire for independence coupled with the neurological immaturity (such as expressive language skills) found in this age range.

·         Parents can effectively manage temper tantrums by remaining calm and objective and not rewarding the child's behavior. Walking away from the child during the temper tantrum teaches the child that their approach is unsuccessful. Timeout is also an effective tool parents can successfully utilize.

·         Strategies exist to help prevent temper tantrums. Realistic behavioral expectations, letting the child make some choices in day-to-day activities, and searching out and rewarding good behavior choices are all effective techniques.

·         Extremely frequent and excessively long-lasting (greater than five minutes) tantrums involving violence (especially directed at younger siblings or other children) or parental sense of "loss of control" warrant an appointment with the child's pediatrician.

 

What are temper tantrums?

Temper tantrums are emotional and physical "meltdowns" common among children in the 2- to 4-year-old age range. The toddler may demonstrate a number of characteristic behaviors, including screaming, kicking, lying on the floor, and occasionally holding his breath (rarely to the point of passing out).

 

As a child matures, these manifestations of emotional, developmental, and physical immaturity gradually extinguish themselves. Studies indicate that 23%-85% of children between 2 and 4 years of age will commonly have temper tantrums. Temper tantrums are a way a young child lets out strong emotions before he or she is able to express them in socially acceptable ways. Although a child may seem totally out of control these fits of rage, stomping, screaming, and throwing himself or herself to the floor is a normal part of childhood development. Temper tantrums often occur only with a parent. They are a way a child communicates his or her feelings. Parents can learn from their child by understanding the situation that caused the temper tantrum to erupt.

 

Temper tantrums often begin at about 1 year of age and continue until age 3. Nearly all children have them, but, by age 4, most children develop the necessary self-control and temper tantrums stop.

 

What causes temper tantrums?

As a young child learns more and becomes more independent, he or she wants to do more than he or she can physically and emotionally manage. This is frustrating to the child and the frustrations are expressed in a variety of ways. Temper tantrums are worse and occur more often when a child is hungry, tired, or sick. Some reasons children have temper tantrums include the following:

·         Want to be on their own, and get upset when they cannot do what they want

·         Are trying to get attention to test the rules

·         Have something taken away from them

·         Have not learned all the words to tell you what they are feeling or want and this upsets them

·         Do not understand what you want them to do

·         Are tired or hungry

·         Are worried or upset

·         Feel stress in the home

 

How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum:

Steps:

1.        Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum. Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.

2.        Remember that your child's tantrum is NOT necessarily a way to "get his way", but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems! The lack of a place to nap is a common cause of tantrums (Ever notice how many kids you see having them around 3 PM in stores! It is the time of afternoon when blood sugar drops after lunch and a small snack is often needed. Schedule activities around your child's needs. Having a set schedule with nap time included is greatly recommended.

3.        Offer your child a choice of coping strategies. For example, your son wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny, you're really getting upset now. Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him a choice -- either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he won't influence others. If he makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset. Guide him to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better.

4.        Stem your own rising frustration level. Tantrums can raise blood pressure and stress levels in parents as well as children. If you really can’t handle a tantrum, make sure the child will be safe and spend a few moments away from him or her. The time-out has a calming effect for both of you. Get your spouse or other responsible person to look after the child while you calm down. Put your child in his or her room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.

5.        Try to determine the cause of the tantrum. Tantrums can be triggered by a number of things, and the cause of the tantrum should help determine your response to it. If a tantrum is caused by hungriness or sleepiness, you should feed the child or allow him or her to take a nap as soon as possible. If the tantrum is triggered by frustration or fear, you need to comfort your child. If the child feels ignored, spend some quality/quantity time with him, playing or reading, etc. If, however your child is acting up because he or she can’t get his or her way.

6.        Do not reward the tantrum. If the parents give in, tantrums become a launching point for the child—a way to deal with the world socially. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by tantrums, your child will continue to use them long past the age when they would otherwise cease. Even if the child is throwing a fit because he hasn’t received enough attention, don’t reward the behaviour now. Instead, resolve to make long-term changes to avoid future outbursts. Try not to panic or make concessions, but leave the scene, even if just for a few minutes. Go to the crying room at church that’s what it's there for, after all to the car, or even to the restroom to allow your child and you to regain control.

7.        Take steps to prevent injury. Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum. If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger. Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.

8.        Explain to the child that you will talk to him or her when he or she calms down. This will help your child to understand that you are ignoring her because her behavior is unacceptable, not because you don’t care about her. When the child calms down, fulfil your part of the bargain by discussing the tantrum and the child’s concerns.

9.        Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum, especially in a public place. Give him or her time to vent. Instead, give the child phrases to express the emotions that they are experiencing. Say phrases like, "You must be really tired after such a long day," or, "You must feel frustrated that you can't have what you want right now." This not only will help the child verbalize this later, but shows empathy for their feelings without having to give in.

10.     Discuss the behaviour with your child once the tantrum has ended. While there’s no use trying to reason with a child in the midst of a tantrum, you both can learn a lot by discussing the incident afterwards. Explain that the behaviour is unacceptable, but also make sure your child understands that you love him or her regardless. Try to discover the cause of the tantrum if you haven’t already, and take the opportunity to discuss better alternatives with your child.

 

11.     Do not discipline physically eg by smacking your child. If you feel you need to discipline this way, leave it to a much later time in the day when the general mood has calmed. This conveys three unhelpful messages:

·         That you are out of control

·         That hitting is an acceptable behaviour.

·         That feelings should be suppressed and not vented (a toddler is expressing feelings in the only way they are able).

 

Understanding the Tantrum-prone child:

Some kids are more inclined toward tantrums than others. Children with high needs, strong wills, and who have trouble controlling their emotions are more likely to fall into tantrum behavior. They have more difficulty achieving equilibrium, an inner emotional balance that helps people bounce back from life’s many setbacks and regain composure. These babies have problems emotionally in two ways: they are more prone to blow their lid, and they are less able to put the lid back on once it has blown.

 

Some of the traits that make children more prone to tantrums, such as sensitivity, persistence, determination, and creativity, can be very beneficial to a child’s intellectual and social development. One of your tasks as a parent is to channel these qualities to happier ends. Now that you appreciate why your usually sweet baby occasionally turns sour, here is how to head off tantrums and deal positively with them when they occur.

 

Words before action, Words give power over feelings and frustrations. Parents who talk with their babies and toddlers, teaching them language in the daily flow of living, are equipping them to handle the moments of frustration and strong feelings. If a toddler can be given a word or two to say in a moment of conflict, he will often be able to cooperate with you because saying that word gives him mastery over the concept he’s struggling with.

 

Helping Toddlers Handle Tantrums:

Even after you do your best to create an attitude within your child and structure the environment in your home to prevent tantrums, they still occur. Here’s what to do when the little volcano blows, at home, in public, or at Grandma’s house.

 

Don’t take it personally:

Normal tantrums are a result of your child’s development and temperament, not your parenting. Tantrums are due to frustration (your toddler is trying a complicated engineering feat, and howls when it goes wrong), so don’t ignore this need for help. Take this tantrum as an opportunity to connect: By helping your child out of a tight spot, you build authority and trust. Offer a helping hand, a comforting “It’s okay,” and direct his efforts toward a more manageable part of the task (for example, you slip the sock halfway onto the foot, and then he can pull it on all the way).

 

Verbalize:

Children just need to blow off steam. You can help your child by verbalizing for him what he can’t say himself: “You are mad that Mommy won’t let you have candy.”

 

Holding therapy:

Other times, when they have lost control, they want someone bigger and wiser to take hold of them lovingly and securely take charge. Try: “You’re angry and I’m going to hold you until you get control of yourself because I love you.” Soon the tantrum will fizzle and you will feel your flailing child melt into your arms as if thanking you for rescuing him from himself.

 

REFERENCES:

1.        Adele Pillitteri “Child health nursing” Lippincott publication, I^st Edition, Page no 245-247.

2.        www.MedlineNet.com

3.        http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/temper_tantrums.html

4.        http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/temper_tantrums.html

5.        Dorothy Bell, Maria Thompson, Travis Derouin, Josh Hannah and et al “How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum” http://www.wikihow.com

6.        http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/temper-tantrums.

7.        http://twww.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=temper-tantrums-90-P02295

 

 

 

Received on 15.07.2016          Modified on 17.07.2016

Accepted on 29.08.2016        © A&V Publications all right reserved